Miracles Online Podcast — Episode 27 Cushioning: The Soft Betrayal

By Jeff Spike Wong

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September 6, 2026

What if your partner is committed to you—but quietly keeps someone else waiting in the wings, just in case?

Welcome to the world of “cushioning,” sometimes called the soft betrayal.

Cushioning is maintaining flirtatious or emotionally close “backups” while already in a relationship. It can happen through texts, social media, emails, conversations at work or church, or anywhere someone maintains another emotional possibility while supposedly committed to you.

The disturbing part is that it can easily disguise itself as innocent communication.

💔 Is Cushioning Really Cheating?

In Episode 27 of Miracles Online Podcast, KAT and Jeff explore the gray area between casual communication and betrayal.

The key issue is secrecy.

There is a major difference between boundaries openly discussed and agreed upon by two people and secretly maintaining another person as an emotional or romantic backup.

If it needs to be hidden, deleted, disguised or explained away, there may be more happening beneath the surface.

Why Do People Cushion?

KAT and Jeff dig beneath the behavior and explore some of the emotional forces that can drive it:

Fear of abandonment.
Insecurity and low self-esteem.
Past betrayal and relationship wounds.
The need for ego validation.
Fear of genuine emotional connection.
The desire to protect yourself before someone else can hurt you.

Sometimes cushioning isn’t simply about wanting another person. It can become emotional insurance—a way of saying, “If this relationship falls apart, I already have somewhere else to land.”

But that insurance policy comes at somebody else’s expense.

Because if you’re maintaining backups, are you truly giving the person you’re with 100% of yourself?

🚩 Signs You May Be Getting Cushioned

KAT and Jeff discuss behaviors worth paying attention to, including unusual protectiveness around a phone or social media, constant communication with a supposed “friend,” secrecy surrounding certain conversations, dismissiveness when questioned, and becoming excessively defensive when confronted.

One behavior alone doesn’t prove betrayal. But patterns of secrecy deserve attention.

Can Trust Be Rebuilt?

Possibly.

Cushioning doesn’t automatically mean a relationship must end, but rebuilding requires something deeper than an apology.

Trust has to be rebuilt.

That means getting underneath the behavior and asking why the person felt compelled to keep emotional backups in the first place.

Was it fear?

Past betrayal?

A need for validation?

An inability to fully connect?

And most importantly:

Is the person genuinely willing to change?

There is a tremendous difference between someone offering excuses for their behavior and someone willing to honestly examine themselves, accept responsibility and make a different choice.

❤️ Before Looking for Someone Else, Look Within

One of the strongest messages from this episode is the importance of healing before entering another relationship.

If you continually need multiple people waiting in the wings to feel secure, it may be time to stop dating for a moment and perform an honest self-evaluation.

A relationship cannot permanently fill an internal void.

And another human being should never become your emotional insurance policy.

The Bottom Line

Everyone deserves someone who is fully invested in them.

Not 70%.

Not 90%.

Not someone who loves you while quietly keeping another door cracked open.

You deserve the whole loaf. The whole cake. The whole relationship.

And if you’re the person doing the cushioning, you deserve the opportunity to understand why you’re scattering your emotional energy instead of allowing yourself to become fully present with one person.

As KAT and Jeff close this episode:

Be in love.
Be truthful.
Be honest.
Be in the moment.

Because even the “softest” betrayal can still hurt.